Stress! Actually, I'm not sure stress is the right word, life is just BUSY and I feel like I'm not giving anything 100%. I tutor once a week, I teach tennis for three hours a week, I teach preschool three days a week....none of those are full time jobs, so I still am at home most of the time, so my house still gets destroyed, and I'm still a "stay-at-home" mom without the home time that I need to keep things running. Does any of that even make sense?
I read an article in Parents magazine about a stay-at-home dad who gave up a 60 hour a week TV cameraman job. He said in the end, staying home was harder and more time-consuming, but much more rewarding. I guess that's where I am.
I picked up these little jobs out of obligation and because the extra money is nice...(Utah, we'll be home to visit soon), but is it worth it? Preschool is too much fun. The kids are so adorable and it's really fun to plan things, but it is time-consuming. I think if I can stick it out though, next year I will have it all planned and it will be so easy! Tennis is great money and it's physically draining, but easy...as long as my kids are okay running around for THREE HOURS after a morning at preschool. Tutoring is easy, but again time-consuming...and it takes time away from my kids...I love the girl I tutor and it has now been three years, so I felt like I needed to continue. Anyway, listen to me justify it all. Life has got to be more simple. I haven't sat down and had a real converation with Dave since Mexico. He is still sick and needs more of me than I can give right now. I have friends that I haven't hung out with in way too long. I am giving in so many directions that no one is getting all of me and nothing is getting all of my attention. Any suggestions before I lose my mind?
5 comments:
Wow, I guess no one cares that I'm FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I care!!! I love you!!! I know exactly how you feel. I wish we could just go hang out and talk. I am freaking out here myself! I haven't had time to do anything lately, not even post on my blog or my friends blogs! All of us moms, whether we work full time, part time or stay at home are completely overworked and never have enough time to get everything done or have time for ourselves. We are the ultimate definition of "jack of trades, master of none." It is my constant battle. I get so frustrated because Alex can just come and go so easily without stopping to think, what does jayme need to do, where does Brayden need to be..etc. It's totally stressful. And it's not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't think about it. The only thing that I have found to help me is to just try and take a deep breath, go for a drive and listen to music. Sometimes I just need to cry. I have totally given up on trying to keep my house clean and organized, it is just one more thing that I let stress me out. I can handle a lot of things and manage a lot of tasks and sometimes I do it well, other times I don't. You can't keep the train moving at 150mph without stopping for fuel maintenance. I try to remember that and take my own "freaking out" moments as time to reflect and check myself. Decide what I need to change, how I need to improve and what I can do to take better care of myself. I really hope you got my emails that I sent last week. You look so awesome and you have a wonderful family that just loves and adores you. So do I Chaun. Email me! And I hope you got your package in the mail this week! Let me know if you didn't.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
jayme
Hi Chaun,
We care you are freaking out! I think you nailed it and answered it yourself though... seriously. You are justifying all the little obligations you have by saying it's fun and extra money, yet you're feeling too busy and not in control. Maybe sit back and analyze what it is that you really want without justifying it.
When I worked and had kids, life was actually easier--kids went to a sitter, I worked, chores were done on a day off etc... being a stay-at-home mom is MUCH BUSIER and time consuming and harder and more rewarding than ANY job.
But the catch is that you are still a stay-at-home mom and picking up jobs that are taking a lot of your time. It's not a job that you are gone most of the day without kids... you STILL have them.
I'd stay with the preschool because your kids are in THAT preschool when you are, but I'd give up the other two.
You are amazing. I get exhausted just thinking about everything you do. And next time you're freaking out CALL ME and I'll make you dinner, or come mop your floor, or have your girls come play, or run to the store, or do anything you else you need me to. I'm never too busy.
What you call "freaking out" is just "life" for the rest of us!!!!!:)
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