I taught 8th grade English for five years. Are there any more difficult years than that of adolescence? A young women has so many hormones and insecurities WITHOUT looking in a magazine and seeing what is impossible to achieve. I know there are girls out there that have a size 0 or 2 body without trying, but why is that the goal? What is wrong with a perfect size 8, or 10 or 12 for that matter? Why is a size 2 the goal? It is causing turmoil in this crazy world of ours. I look at my sweet daughters and just get so nervous about what is in their future.
As my (extremely underweight) daughter stepped on the scale at the doctor's office today, the nurse said, "Oh my Goodness, I had the scale at 50lbs., but you haven't even hit 40 yet...are you really five?" and after my confused daughter stuttered that she was indeed five, the nurse finished, "Oh, well Lucky You! You barely weigh a thing." I saw the wind deflate from her sail as she slumped back to her little check-up room.
You see, I've been trying this reverse-psychology thing to combat this crazy media of ours. I constantly tell my girls, "OH YOU ARE SOOOOOOO BIG! OH, YOU'RE FEET HAVE GROWN ANOTHER WHOLE SIZE, LET'S CELEBRATE! AMELIA YOU ARE AT LEAST FOUR INCHES TALLER THAN THE NEXT KID IN YOUR CLASS....YOU ARE THE QUEEN! EAT YOUR VEGETABLES SO YOU CAN GROW BIG AND STRONG AND BE HEALTY!" When people comment to me, "She's so tall!" I turn to Amelia and whisper, "You are so lucky to be so tall. Don't feel bad for the little kids in your class."
Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that there is only so much I can do....my girls who watch almost no TV can still tell me that blonde hair is best and will tell me that the big girl on TV is "not fashion." I try my little reverse-psychology thing, "But look at her hair, isn't it beautiful? Look at her smile, doesn't she look happy?" But, they know. It's a monster....and it is going to creep up on my little girls, and I'm scared.
9 comments:
AMEN!! It terrifies me to think of my kids having to face those pressures. My one consolation is remembering back to my adolescent years and recognizing the good influence my mother, aunts, and young women leaders provided. Hopefully my girls will learn early that their worth is independent from their physical appearance.
It is a scary thing, beautifully described in your post. I think the reverse psychology bit is helpful - certainly it's worth trying. For young girls to grow up w/ self-esteem is so important. As long as you tell your children they are special and loved and emphasize their strengths and downplay things with which they struggle, they should be fine - despite the curse of unrealistic advertising. I tried really hard to make my daughter feel she's valuable and special and I'm happy to say for the most part, it worked. She still has her off days - as do we all - but basically she has a healthy sense of self-worth. Nice post!
I agree - it is a monster, and so much (psychological) grief comes of it. Some of the most brilliant people I know are not those who prance around in a size 2 (or size 0), but the ones who are confident in themselves no matter their size. My best memories from childhood are of teachers were not the "perfect" and "flawless" ones - but the very obese science teacher who taught us about the wonders of the universe, and the plump English teacher who took us away from school every day through novels, poetry and short stories. Life is too short to spend it worrying about wrinkles and the latest fashions. And beauty is, after all, in the eye of the beholder.
I am so with you on this. It is such a monster. Maybe it is a good thing that I don't have little girls (yet...hopefully someday) because I struggle with this one way to hard. That said - I have no desire to be a size 2 - that is just unrealistic for my body type. Just get me to an 8 or 10 and I'll be a happy girl!
I'm so excited for you and your new job! I hope it works out perfectly.
Being a 20 year old girl who reads magazines...I can understand why your worried. While I do worry about my weight a lot, I also do my best to stay realistic. I will NEVER be a size 2... or a size 6 and I'm okay with that.
hmmm... I'm not really sure where I stand on this. I agree with Lucky Candice. Although we will ALL live with 100 lb models being an icon and don't necessarily agree with that, I think being "thin" is healthy and health should be talked about. I've been on both ends of the scale and it is no fun being overweight and I don't think it should be "ok," but it should be accepted. So hard to explain.
Chell and Candice, I totally understand what you are saying and of course I don't want my kids to be fat. I just don't want them to think if they don't have size 0 bodies that they aren't beautiful. I want them to be healthy, happy and confident...and find confidence in their brains and personalities and not get so caught up in their appearances. Does that make sense?
On another note, I have a good friend with a little girl right in between my girls' ages who is extremely overweight. I hung out with them yesterday and I see how worried the mom is. It made me realize that maybe the reason that I am able to put things aside is because at THIS POINT my girls are thin. I think it would be different if they were overweight. But I don't want them looking at their friend and thinking she's fat or anyone else for that matter. Is she funny? Is she a good friend? Is she uplifting? I just want my kids to put their priorities in the right place.
Chaun, thanks for that, really. When I was overweight I couldn't find confidence in my personality or brains because I was so down about being overweight. Now that I am not overweight, I have gained confidence in the inner stuff. It's a battle hard to be won, especially with the media flashing ridiciously skinny girls to be the only true beauty.
I think you are doing the right thing with your girls, but you alone will not take away the pressure of the outside world, unfortunately.
Anyway, obviously what I was trying to say didn't come across right... I was trying to say that I agree with you, but the outside force is much stronger and that it can be hard to gain confidence if you don't feel like you fit in with the expectations of the outside world.
Does that make sense.
Great post!
chon- you need to update your blog more and do more than sunday scribblings... and i say these things in the name of.... AMEN!!
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