An Embarrassing (Gulp!) Moment

It was a beautiful Spring day in 2003. I had been roaming the suburbs of Atlanta for two days with a realtor and a newborn baby. I had exactly one weekend to find a house. After stopping to nurse for the thousandth time and leaving yet another house that didn't make the cut, we saw a sign that read: HAMPTON: A Golf Community. It was a Saturday, and this time Dave was with me. It wasn't on our list, but we decided to stop. And there it was: MY HOUSE!

The list goes on and on about why it was my house, but of the little pluses was these "privacy windows" that the realtor kept gloating about. In my head it meant strutting around in my birthday suit, looking out on my neighbors and the golfers and them not seeing a thing.

So for the next two months, that's exactly what I did. I would get out of the shower and wrap my hair in a towel and go right over to the bathmat in front of the bath and dry off, put on lotion, and yes, sometimes even pump (oh, I don't miss those breastfeeding days). I would brush my teeth, put in my contacts, and look down at the neighbors and the golfers and do my thing upstairs. What was even more awesome was when it was darker outside than in, the windows turned to mirrors and I would strike poses in the glass, admiring my post-pregnancy body and the 70 pounds that went with it. (Okay, I had probably lost some of it by then, but I was still hefty.)

Fast forward about two months: Chelie and Michael came to visit and we didn't have the guest bathroom ready to go. I told them they were welcome to use our bathroom and then told them the "luxury" we had of having "privacy windows." Chelie gasped and said, "I will not get naked in there without window treatments!" I finally agreed to check it out for her so that she wouldn't be afraid. I sat outside and she ran upstairs. She flicked on the light and TA DAH! There was Chel, in full spotlight standing in the window.

It turns out that "privacy windows" mean nothing. When the light source is brighter outside than in, the mirror-effect is seen outside (like an office building). When the light source is darker outside, it has the opposite effect, it actually spotlights the inside. Because I had a newborn and a just turned two year old and a husband who had moved us across the country and was working hard, about the only time I could get a shower was around eight or nine at night...when all the neighbors were having cookouts or golfers were finishing up their round (we live on the 15th hole). So, to make a long story short, I had shown off about everything to those poor innocent people below....for two months straight.

Fast forward two years: I finally asked the girl two houses down that became a great friend how much she saw of me those first two months and she stuttered, "Um, we just saw you brush your teeth." Ya, right...and even if that were true, I always brush my teeth naked. I realized then that she was so traumatized that she doesn't even dare tell me now! Also, the single (hot) guy next door planted trees on the property line. I found out later that he brought over another neighbor and said, "See those windows up there? Those are the neighbor's bathroom windows. What kind of trees grow super tall in a short amount of time?" Sure enough, we have three trees on the property line that are already eight feet tall.

Okay, there's my story, and the moral is: Never get naked in a window, period.

The outside view, notice the "mirror effect" on the outside.

The inside view, with the addition of TWO sets of window treatments.